Thoughts from a Basement Athlete

Dear Bob Kraft,

Thanks for your previous letter. I had no idea you were so fond of shrimp.

Thank you also for everything you have done for the team. Since you bought the Patriots in 1988 almost everything has gone right. You took one of the most hapless franchises in the history of football and turned them into perennial contenders and a model of team-building and success. The Patriots have experienced 5 Super Bowls since you took the reins, compared to only one previously. I think you are the best team owner in football.

You have made one deeply unfortunate blunder, I’m afraid. You are responsible for giving Pat Patriot the pink slip. Pat made the old logo cooler than John Wayne. He wasn’t a swoosh with a face like the poor excuse for a logo that is the “Flying Elvis”. He was a Patriot (a Revolutionary era Freedom-fighter!) playing football. Doesn’t that make sense? He is undeniably one of the meanest looking dudes I’ve ever set my eyes on. It takes some gumption to look him straight in the eye. Imagine plowing into a pile for a loose ball and finding that guy staring back at you. That would shake you up more than accidentally seeing Joan Rivers without makeup. 

The logo-switch was even more egregious because the “Flying Elvis” is simply inexplicable. I barely know what it is. If there was a “logo draft”, Pat Patriot would easily get taken in the top ten, while the Flying Elvis might manage to get picked in the 6th round. Not like the “Tom Brady 6th round”, more like “Sherrod Gideon 6th round”. Who? Exactly.

Take comfort, Bob (may I call you Bob?). You are not the first to trip up on logos. Many teams have abandoned their historic logos in an effort to look hip. The Broncos, Bills, and, Buccaneers are also offenders. 

Take heart – it’s not too late. The Chargers made the right decision and switched back to their white helmets with powder blue uniforms. Pardon an NBA reference, but the 76ers also recovered their historic uniforms. Now Philadelphia’s fans can see Elton Brand sit injured on the bench in the very same jersey that Dr. J wore. How great is that?

So please Bob, just say no to ugly, modern logos. For all of us. 

Please greet Coach Belichick for me and ask him why he hasn’t responded regarding the defensive strategies I sent. If Giselle is around with Tom, please apologize again that it didn’t work out between us. (Between you and me, my new bride is better looking anyway.)

Say “hi” to the fam for me. Looking forward to this season.

Forever yours,

The Basement Athlete