Thoughts from a Basement Athlete

You know, I’ve always said the best way to steal second base is to get a nice lead and outrun the throw by the catcher. – Joe Morgan

It all started as a good idea. Somebody realized that it would be compelling to have partners announcing a sporting event. The play-by-play announcer anchors the team – the straight man…the Abbot to the color commentator’s Costello. His job is to communicate what is happening in the game and leave the interesting stories and insights to the more experienced and flavorful “color commentator” – someone who had been on the field/court/course themselves and could speak from their own memories of the heat of competition. 

Some of these “color guys” are masters. Others…not so much.

We live in a sports world that is awash with cliches. Color commentators are the chief proprietors of these weathered words. Even the most painful cliches are not off limits-“The best offense is a good defense”, “This guy gives 110%”, and other lifeless lines that make you groan and roll your eyes in good-natured condescension.  

Some of these Color Commentator Phrases (CCP’s) aren’t quite as painful but still verge on groaners. Hall of Fame quarterback Phil Simms – a refreshing exception to the color commentator stereotype – insightfully noted that a couple of these useless phrases are: “They need to win the turnover battle” and any reference to “half-time adjustments”. 

These folks are also inventive – offering up words that nobody else uses. Teams “stave off elimination”, and pitchers get out of innings “unscathed”. Was the pitcher really in danger of being “scathed”? [Merriam Webster Dictionary: 1. to do harm to, scorch, sear; 2. to assail with withering denunciation.]

Then there’s the utterly ridiculous. “Did the Game-cocks win this game, or did Golden Gophers lose it?” Um….both?

When color commentators run out of regurgitated cliches to spew at random, they fall back on the excruciatingly obvious. Worse, many of these guys are former athletes, which they assume gives them a certain weight and authority. It’s not just any Joe Schmo telling you that, “Sergio definitely misread that putt.” – it’s self-proclaimed golf legend Johnny Miller. “Back in the day, Jack, Arnold and I would have…”

I don’t need to hear a golf analyst tell me, “If Mickelson hits a lot of fairways and greens and makes some putts, then he has a great chance to win this golf tournament”. Did you hear that, Lefty? All you have to do is put the ball in that hole faster than those other golfers and you might win!

A single to center field in baseball and, as the replay rolls, we get to listen to insightful color commentary. They inform us that the hitter kept his head on the ball and singled to center because he’s a good hitter, and “good hitters get hits”. (Another classic Joe “Morganism”) Sometimes they are only “Micro-Morganisms” like “they really need to score some runs to get back in this ball game”. 

I enjoy some color commentators (some of my best friends are color commentators).  As I mentioned, Phil Simms offers insights that are informed, relevant, and add to the experience of watching the game. As a Red Sox fan, I love the way NESN’s Jerry Remy relates to the ordinary fan, self-deprecatingly draws on his history as a player, and simply doesn’t take himself too seriously. “One of my 7 career home runs was off Catfish Hunter, you know!”

Many excellent play-by-play guys compensate for color commentator deficits. They have become less and less like bland, comedy-team straight men, and the best of them illustrate what color guys should be.

The almost child like eagerness and knowledge of Bob Costas or the descriptive imagery of Joe Buck draws you right into their passion. Their observations and reactions add to the experience of being a spectator. Big games feel even bigger when their voices are describing the action.

A good partnership of announcers definitely adds to the game, but to whom it may concern: we need more announcers who don’t “mail it in” but “take it one game at a time” and “leave it all out on the field”.